In the 1970s, only about 10% of couples reported living
together without being married. By late 1990s, about half of the women between
the ages 15-44 reported that they had lived with a partner without being
married. This prompted scientists to ask the question, “does the practice of
living together improve marital relationships? NO is the answer. Scott Stanley and his colleagues at the
University of Denver studied people to find out how cohabitation influenced
marital quality.
People who cohabitate prior to marriage results in less
positive interactions and more conflict when compared to people who do not
cohabitate.
However, people who cohabitate after becoming engaged look
more similar to those who never cohabitate. In short, those who never
cohabitate and those who cohabitate only after becoming engaged, have more
positive marital relationships than those who cohabitate prior to becoming
engaged. Stanley suggests that those who cohabitates before becoming
engaged drift into marriage without the same level of commitment as the other
types of couples.
Commonsense would seem to suggest that cohabitation ought to
provide a proving ground for marriage a chance to work the rhythm of getting
along. This report by Stanley and his colleagues adds to a body of knowledge
that has been accumulating for over a decade of a research that seems to
suggest otherwise.
Successful marriage is more than figuring out who takes out
the trash and even resolving conflits on who takes out the trash. Although
learning to resolve differences is very important, marriage also includes an
important dimension of “commitment” to the relationship that motivates couples
to work on finding better ways to get along and find happiness.